In a room thick with incense smoke, a shrine was placed. Mysterious names were densely inscribed across a piece of red cloth; copper coins lay scattered on the offering table, and in a holder, fortune sticks read the countless unresolved sorrows of the human world. Kneeling before the shrine was a woman. Her eyes saw "visions" invisible to ordinary people, and she spoke of "divine secrets" beyond comprehension. Neighbors called her with fearful respect the "shaman master" – a medium capable of communicating with the spirit realm to solve problems and ward off evil. This woman was Suxue's mother.
Smashing the Shrine: A Struggle of Faith Starting from Desperate Actions
Suxue grew up hearing chanting from temples, the lingering scent of incense, and eating offerings. Her home was filled with statues of Buddha and various deities. However, her mother's faith was closer to a local, utilitarian idol, and she worshipped gods who could bring wealth and fortune. Suxue remembers her mother often playing mahjong in front of the Buddha statue, which was atop a washing machine. Once, her mother accidentally knocked the statue off, breaking it in half. This mixture of casual reverence slid into an uncontrollable abyss during Suxue's college years.
Following a mysterious illness that doctors could not diagnose, Suxue's mother began seeking "masters." Advised by others, she found a Buddhist supply shop. Though called a "Buddhist" shop, it housed idols of every kind. Strangely, the moment she stepped inside the shop, she could not stop sobbing. The shop owner introduced her to a "master" and told her to pay money to the master for a designated auspicious day for the Shaman.
The journey to find the master was draped in mysticism. While Suxue's father was driving, her mother sat in the passenger seat. She was suddenly seized by a powerful intuition. Guided by her inner sensing, the car made its way through rural lanes until it stopped before an ordinary house. To their astonishment, the homeowner was indeed the master she was seeking.
Her mother later recalled that upon entering that master's house, she lost control of her body, slithering across the floor like a snake and uncontrollably calling out unfamiliar names. The master quickly recorded the names on a red cloth. From that moment, the cloth was inscribed with "immortal" titles and was hung in their home. A shrine was put there. Her mother became a "chosen" medium, worshipping the "Protector Shaman of the House."
Suxue personally saw her mother being possessed. Her mother never smoked but would suddenly puff on cigarettes with practiced ease. Her voice, appearance, and movements would shift instantly into those of an old woman from ancient times, chanting omens in a strange tongue. Each possession left her mother collapsed in bed, drenched in sweat as if she had run a marathon. "I don't want to do this, but I don't dare stop," she told Suxue. "The shop owner says if I don't accept this 'immortal,' it will fall on you." Her mother described it as being bound by invisible ropes, conscious, yet unable to command her own body, like a waking sleep paralysis. She believed this practice would shorten her life, yet she felt powerless to escape.
The turning point came quietly after Suxue was converted to Christianity. After attending a church training class, she did something considered extremely "taboo" in Northern Chinese tradition. While her mother was out, she wrapped the idols in that hanging red cloth, rushed to a corner behind the downstairs trash bins, and smashed them into pieces. She then tossed the red cloth, the symbol of her mother's bondage, into a distant dumpster. Surprisingly, her mother did not react with the expected rage. Instead, her face showed a complex expression. "Actually, I didn't want to worship them either," she whispered. "But I had no choice. I was afraid not to."
Lingering between Two Kingdoms: Who is Binding? Who is Freeing?
Her mother's faith journey became a "tug-of-war" for 20 years. From the moment Suxue heard her mother's words, "I have no choice", she began praying ceaselessly for her mother.
Her mother's first contact with the gospel was when Suxue lived in the south. Learning of her mother's background, a pastor invited her to church to make a prayer of confession. Her mother complied superficially but changed her attitude the moment they got out of the church: "Hmph, I don't really believe it. I just did it to respect the pastor."
Despite that superficial prayer, when she returned to the north and visited the previous "master," something had changed. Usually, entering the master's house, she would vomit, but that day she was strangely calm. When she confessed, hesitantly, that she had gone to church, the master ordered, "Whenever you visit your daughter, you are forbidden from entering a church again." That forbidden recommendation kept her away from churches for over a decade.
Her mother's condition worsened. During one possession, she was lying on a wooden cervical pillow when that uncontrollable force seized her again, it was accompanied by an urge to self-harm.
Seeing his wife in such agony, Suxue's father compromised. He spent 5,000 yuan to "invite" back every idol and red cloth that had been smashed and discarded.
Later, while the mother was away to help look after Suxue's child, the long separation led to the father having an affair. When the news finally reached her, her mother's world collapsed.
"In her despair, my mother numbed herself with alcohol, torn apart by anger and grief. We had just bought a cross for the house, and she would hold it and cry. It's heartbreaking to say, but I'm almost thankful that this storm happened after I became an adult, so my childhood wasn't torn apart like this."
Her mother decided to divorce. While packing, she finally threw away all the Buddhist statues, shrines, and items related to the "immortals."
"When I saw her clutching that cross and weeping like a child abandoned by the world, I went over to pray for her. For the first time, she didn't refuse me."
Yet, as each crisis was over, she would drift back to her old habits until the next storm hit, and she would cry out, "Daughter, quickly, pray for me."
When the pain of the body and the spirit subsided, and her relationship with her husband got better, her zeal for the Lord would vanish. She would again turn to fortune tellers, redefining her faith as "just believing in my conscience."
While visiting Suxue again to help with her second child, the mother experienced a disaster in a warm south-facing bedroom.
Despite closed windows and no fans or air conditioners, she huddled under a thick quilt in long-sleeved pajamas, shivering violently. "Pray for me quickly," she shivered out of control. "I'm so cold that my bones ache."
Twenty minutes of prayer later, the cold vanished. But as Suxue gave thanks, her mother muttered, "When I get back, I need to see that relative of yours who tells fortunes."
"Mom!" Suxue interrupted. "Jesus just healed you, and you're turning back to a fortune teller? From now on, you cannot go back!" Finally, her mother decided that she would follow Jesus.
The Final Battle and the Long-Awaited Return
Last summer, after a fierce argument, Suxue's mother drove her father out of the house. A week later, due to the expiration of her children's ID, Suxue had to ask her father to drive 800 kilometers to pick her and the children up to visit their original home. The father did so but stubbornly refused to enter the old home.
In desperation, the mother's chronic illness flared up. Shingles in her ear caused unbearable pain. Suxue prayed for her, and the mother made an oath that if Jesus healed her ear, she would believe in him truly.
The next morning, while cleaning her ear, she found the pus gone and the pain completely vanished. More surprisingly, she asked for church. There, she stood at the front, weeping as she gave her first public testimony. Upon leaving, her first act was to visit the fortune-telling relative, not for fortune-telling but to share the Gospel.
However, one final test remained. She secretly told an elderly sister in the church: "If Jesus can bring my husband home, I will believe in him completely." At that exact moment, her phone rang. It was her husband's friend: "Suxue's mom, your husband is on his way. He'll be home in seven or eight minutes."
The twenty-year "tug-of-war" finally reached its end. From a medium bound by dark powers to a believer transformed by miraculous healing and family restoration, the mother's path was torturous, yet it stands as a witness to the marvelous and sovereign work of God.
(Suxue is a pseudonym for safety reasons.)
Originally from the Christian Times
- Translated by Charlie Li
